I feel like the world is up against me..

Sotw: Simply Red - Stars
Motw: n/a
VGotw: Day of Defeat: Source (pc)
Feeling: defeated

I hope you comprehend.. too many hearts are broken. A lover's promise never came with a maybe. So many words are left unspoken. The silent voices are driving me crazy.. as for all the pain you caused me making up could never be your intention. You'll never know how much you hurt me. Stay.. can't you see that.. Iiii wanna fall from the stars straight into your arms..

I owe The Lord a big apology for this morning. I cussed maybe once or twice after my getting angry and frustrated. I feel like Satan is trying all his tricks on me this week. I've been shaken a lot, but now that I realize who it is trying to make me fall, I won't. This week has been interesting so far to say the least. The past couple of days I've felt like crying. I've felt hopeless beyond hopelessness. I haven't really enjoyed work like I use to and my sadness took over the happy feeling going to work use to bring. The only time I'm really happy is when I'm with Mark. I forget about the things that are trying to tear me apart. That's how I know it's Satan. My pain hurts the most at night when I'm by myself. I gather enough strength to go to the gym then come home to play DoD. My lack of sleep is a result of the sadness I'm experiencing I believe. I'm gonna pray and keep on praying to The Lord because I know it's Satan trying to get to me. I haven't thought about slitting my wrist in such a long time. From this moment on though, I'm gonna be strong no matter what hell is thrown at me. I need to be strong. The time is coming. I know it is. You know something's wrong when every song you listen to makes you sad no matter what the message.

Some good news is I joined a DoD clan. I'm a recruit right now, but it's very cool. I hope Mark doesn't mind. In other good news, I may be going with my mom this weekend to look at houses. Depends if the boss lets me. We'll see.

Simply Red is one of the best singers by far. =\

The sadness is still trying to overwhelm me... :/

You're so special..*dun na*

Sotw: Radiohead - Creep
Motw: Fruits Basket Vol. ?
Aotw: Princess Miuu
VGotw: Swat4 (PC)
Feeling: Respectable

You're so special.. you're so frikken special. But I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo-o-o... what the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.

So they say. What's new? I have hi-speed internet at the apartment. Yay. Back to long nights of chatting, meeting up with boyfriends, and missing days of class and/or work! Haha. Just kidding. I know Mark reads this sometimes so I want to see his reaction. As you can see, I haven't drop my habits of being slightly evil every now and then. To be honest though, I think the next step for me is buying Mcafee's anti-virus/personal firewall suite and DoD:Source. I need to put that high speed to use! That and DoD:Source is like.. $20. Swat4 Gold is on its way for the PC so I may also purchase that. A lot of girls like to spend their money on hair and nails.. for me it's video games and manga. I may be joining my mom for coffee today. I'm waiting for her email. I've been hungry since last night but haven't touched a thing.. why? Who cares. I know I don't.

Let the rain fall, listen to the voices call.

Sotw: Jewel - Foolish games
Motw: n/a
Aotw: Justice League Unlimited
Feeling: Bored

No. I'm not very interested at all. What am I talking about? I'm not very sure. I guess I just feel that I'm not interested in being interested about something I'm currently doing. Yes, I'm sitting in class. What do you want to make of it? So I need to come up with lists and lists of songs I want to download because I should be getting the internet sometime this week at the house. I just love adding to the bills pile, can't you tell? I guess I'm kinda happy about that. On another note I find it rather interesting that I found a course so intriguing yet I did poorly in it. No, it wasn't lack of attendance.. or maybe it was. *sigh* *sweatdrop*. Not too much in the new category of my life. I'm still on the happy side though. Mark helps a lot with that one. I guess I can't wait for this schooling to be over. Once it is I'll have time for stuff such as volunteering at local facilities which is something I look forward to.

zZzZz..

Sotw: David Bowie - Golden Years
Aotw: n/a
Motw: n/a
Feeling: Drenched

Soooo.. tired. I don't really even know what to type. I'm bored in class and have not too much of a clue as to how to do this final project. It's a Director project. Sigh. Whatever. I'm too tired to care. Even though I got some sleep, I'm still tired. ZzZzZz... Mrs. Anderson... We've been watching you.. Mrs. Anderson. ZzZzZz...

I'm walking through the spider webs. Leave a msg and I'll call right back.

Sotw: No Doubt - Spider webs
Aotw: n/a
Motw: n/a
Feeling: weary

Life: Yes, this week is gonna leave me kinda weary. Things in life were going pretty well for awhile there, but now all this stress has fell upon me. Some good news is that my tax return went through alright. Suprizingly, I received my state income tax as well. *sigh* Other than that news, things have been kinda tough. I had to lend some money to my b/f because he kept using credit cards for his lunches and was becoming in debt. --; Either food or gas.. not all food, but still. My mom is struggling along right now not having a job and all.. I asked her if she wanted some money, but she denied the offer. My school payments have gone up so now I'll be paying $100 instead of $50. They said it's gonna go up another hundred when the next two loans kick in. With the job I have right now, I can't afford it. I'm sorry, but I can't. -_- And these dumbasses can't tell me to get a better job while still going to school, so they better come up with another plan. While thinking about these things and others, I've become somewhat down when it comes to my mood.. I can't say depressed since that wouldn't be the correct term to use. In other words, I learned what being depressed would really be like. Boy, this world is full of [%*#$,^] lies.

Class: Class is going well. I enjoy psychology the most. I learned what actual depression would be like, not that phoney tv [^%&#] that we're taught throughout growing up, but actual depression. I have a paper and two outlines due tomorrow. I started none of them. Guess what I'll be doing all tonight? If you guessed shooting up on caffeine and doing college work all night, you guessed right. I'm pissed off that I can't pay after my schooling is finished; for college that is. Stupid school.

Work: The big boss hasn't come yet so we're still cleaning and trying to keep the place sane and tighty. I was talking to Sandra yesterday and she said that prices in our store our going up again. Are they [%$#^*&@!] crazy? Our store isn't lucky like other stores! We're right next to stupid dollar tree! How the hell can you want to go up again? We're suppose to be a FACTORY Card OUTLET. How the hell can you raise prices when your stuff is suppose to be cheap. Cooperate must think people are made of money. Maybe SOME are in Raleigh, but not all. We get the most ghetto people in there sometimes. Our store may be doomed and I may have to look for a new job soon if they keep this [%$#*] up. One good thing is I have a good looking resume though. Head cashier, card coordinator, and a promotion which includes a key to the store, and some other hidden goodies. But still, I'll miss these people I'm working with. I've never known a workplace could be so friendly. It's like we're all family. We see each other almost everyday. But yeah, I'll miss them. Anyhow...

Till later days.. thanks for listening. I needed someone lately.

Sesame chicken and rice.

Sotw: Offspring - Heaven's so far away
Aotw: n/a
Motw: n/a
Feeling: Alright

Life. I still haven't touched volume 6 of Fruits Basket. I've been so busy with homework that it's unreal. Speaking of homework, tonight I need to write most if not all of my research paper for psychology along with a chapter outline. My mom sent me an email this morning saying that my dad was in town from FL. He's looking for a job and perhaps a place to stay. Not sure I'm ready for that one. I got an email this morning from an old friend as well. Brett is still alive and kicking or so it seems. I hope he is doing alright. In other news, I'm waiting for my tax return. It was suppose to be a good amount, but I haven't received it yet so what good is it? I guess I need to contact the IRS later. Fun, fun, fun.

Class. There's not too much going on with class. Right now I'm sitting in my Director MX class. The only real challenge I've had thus far is my Psychology class. That's alright though. The class is interesting and is a challenge. My mom is coming to the school today to fight with financial aid. They keep trying to up my payments and I can't afford that crap. It's bad enough as it is.

Work. Frances got the assistant manager job. That means they most likely won't be needing me to open or anything unless it's an emergency. I don't care about that too much. In fact, I don't care if they give me little to no responsibility at all. I'm just happy because I got a raise and a promotion which will both look awesome on my resume. Byron still hasn't shown up for work so I'm guessing that my boss will be looking for another stock person soon. Other than that there isn't too much going on at work. Another big boss is coming so our store is trying to get ready for that. And.. that's about it...

Till later..

What is my destiny?

Sotw: No Doubt - Just a girl
Aotw: N/A
Motw: Fruits Basket Vol. 6?
Feeling: Sane

Ok, so the anger issue has been overrided. I'm not exactly sure how, but I'm feeling a little better. Today I'm getting a lot of my Vday gifts, if not all of them.

School news: Can't wait to graduate. Today is going to be boring.

Work news: The past couple of days have been fun at work. Yesterday we had most of the FCO staff working since Vday is near and they think our store is gonna be super busy. It was kinda busy but not what they were looking for. I think today we'll do much better. Still almost full staff today. Fun, fun, fun. :)