following the trail of tears..

I feel like the world is up against me..

2006-04-11T10:12:00.000-04:00

Sotw: Simply Red - Stars
Motw: n/a
VGotw: Day of Defeat: Source (pc)
Feeling: defeated

I hope you comprehend.. too many hearts are broken. A lover's promise never came with a maybe. So many words are left unspoken. The silent voices are driving me crazy.. as for all the pain you caused me making up could never be your intention. You'll never know how much you hurt me. Stay.. can't you see that.. Iiii wanna fall from the stars straight into your arms..

I owe The Lord a big apology for this morning. I cussed maybe once or twice after my getting angry and frustrated. I feel like Satan is trying all his tricks on me this week. I've been shaken a lot, but now that I realize who it is trying to make me fall, I won't. This week has been interesting so far to say the least. The past couple of days I've felt like crying. I've felt hopeless beyond hopelessness. I haven't really enjoyed work like I use to and my sadness took over the happy feeling going to work use to bring. The only time I'm really happy is when I'm with Mark. I forget about the things that are trying to tear me apart. That's how I know it's Satan. My pain hurts the most at night when I'm by myself. I gather enough strength to go to the gym then come home to play DoD. My lack of sleep is a result of the sadness I'm experiencing I believe. I'm gonna pray and keep on praying to The Lord because I know it's Satan trying to get to me. I haven't thought about slitting my wrist in such a long time. From this moment on though, I'm gonna be strong no matter what hell is thrown at me. I need to be strong. The time is coming. I know it is. You know something's wrong when every song you listen to makes you sad no matter what the message.

Some good news is I joined a DoD clan. I'm a recruit right now, but it's very cool. I hope Mark doesn't mind. In other good news, I may be going with my mom this weekend to look at houses. Depends if the boss lets me. We'll see.

Simply Red is one of the best singers by far. =\

The sadness is still trying to overwhelm me... :/

You're so special..dun na

2006-03-22T09:45:00.000-05:00

Sotw: Radiohead - Creep
Motw: Fruits Basket Vol. ?
Aotw: Princess Miuu
VGotw: Swat4 (PC)
Feeling: Respectable

You're so special.. you're so frikken special. But I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo-o-o... what the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.

So they say. What's new? I have hi-speed internet at the apartment. Yay. Back to long nights of chatting, meeting up with boyfriends, and missing days of class and/or work! Haha. Just kidding. I know Mark reads this sometimes so I want to see his reaction. As you can see, I haven't drop my habits of being slightly evil every now and then. To be honest though, I think the next step for me is buying Mcafee's anti-virus/personal firewall suite and DoD:Source. I need to put that high speed to use! That and DoD:Source is like.. $20. Swat4 Gold is on its way for the PC so I may also purchase that. A lot of girls like to spend their money on hair and nails.. for me it's video games and manga. I may be joining my mom for coffee today. I'm waiting for her email. I've been hungry since last night but haven't touched a thing.. why? Who cares. I know I don't.

Let the rain fall, listen to the voices call.

2006-03-20T09:27:00.000-05:00

Sotw: Jewel - Foolish games
Motw: n/a
Aotw: Justice League Unlimited
Feeling: Bored

No. I'm not very interested at all. What am I talking about? I'm not very sure. I guess I just feel that I'm not interested in being interested about something I'm currently doing. Yes, I'm sitting in class. What do you want to make of it? So I need to come up with lists and lists of songs I want to download because I should be getting the internet sometime this week at the house. I just love adding to the bills pile, can't you tell? I guess I'm kinda happy about that. On another note I find it rather interesting that I found a course so intriguing yet I did poorly in it. No, it wasn't lack of attendance.. or maybe it was. *sigh* *sweatdrop*. Not too much in the new category of my life. I'm still on the happy side though. Mark helps a lot with that one. I guess I can't wait for this schooling to be over. Once it is I'll have time for stuff such as volunteering at local facilities which is something I look forward to.

zZzZz..

2006-03-08T09:03:00.000-05:00

Sotw: David Bowie - Golden Years
Aotw: n/a
Motw: n/a
Feeling: Drenched

Soooo.. tired. I don't really even know what to type. I'm bored in class and have not too much of a clue as to how to do this final project. It's a Director project. Sigh. Whatever. I'm too tired to care. Even though I got some sleep, I'm still tired. ZzZzZz... Mrs. Anderson... We've been watching you.. Mrs. Anderson. ZzZzZz...

I'm walking through the spider webs. Leave a msg and I'll call right back.

2006-03-01T08:33:00.000-05:00

Sotw: No Doubt - Spider webs
Aotw: n/a
Motw: n/a
Feeling: weary

Life: Yes, this week is gonna leave me kinda weary. Things in life were going pretty well for awhile there, but now all this stress has fell upon me. Some good news is that my tax return went through alright. Suprizingly, I received my state income tax as well. *sigh* Other than that news, things have been kinda tough. I had to lend some money to my b/f because he kept using credit cards for his lunches and was becoming in debt. --; Either food or gas.. not all food, but still. My mom is struggling along right now not having a job and all.. I asked her if she wanted some money, but she denied the offer. My school payments have gone up so now I'll be paying $100 instead of $50. They said it's gonna go up another hundred when the next two loans kick in. With the job I have right now, I can't afford it. I'm sorry, but I can't. -_- And these dumbasses can't tell me to get a better job while still going to school, so they better come up with another plan. While thinking about these things and others, I've become somewhat down when it comes to my mood.. I can't say depressed since that wouldn't be the correct term to use. In other words, I learned what being depressed would really be like. Boy, this world is full of [%*#$,^] lies.

Class: Class is going well. I enjoy psychology the most. I learned what actual depression would be like, not that phoney tv [^%&#] that we're taught throughout growing up, but actual depression. I have a paper and two outlines due tomorrow. I started none of them. Guess what I'll be doing all tonight? If you guessed shooting up on caffeine and doing college work all night, you guessed right. I'm pissed off that I can't pay after my schooling is finished; for college that is. Stupid school.

Work: The big boss hasn't come yet so we're still cleaning and trying to keep the place sane and tighty. I was talking to Sandra yesterday and she said that prices in our store our going up again. Are they [%$#^*&@!] crazy? Our store isn't lucky like other stores! We're right next to stupid dollar tree! How the hell can you want to go up again? We're suppose to be a FACTORY Card OUTLET. How the hell can you raise prices when your stuff is suppose to be cheap. Cooperate must think people are made of money. Maybe SOME are in Raleigh, but not all. We get the most ghetto people in there sometimes. Our store may be doomed and I may have to look for a new job soon if they keep this [%$#*] up. One good thing is I have a good looking resume though. Head cashier, card coordinator, and a promotion which includes a key to the store, and some other hidden goodies. But still, I'll miss these people I'm working with. I've never known a workplace could be so friendly. It's like we're all family. We see each other almost everyday. But yeah, I'll miss them. Anyhow...

Till later days.. thanks for listening. I needed someone lately.

Sesame chicken and rice.

2006-02-27T10:02:00.000-05:00

Sotw: Offspring - Heaven's so far away
Aotw: n/a
Motw: n/a
Feeling: Alright

Life. I still haven't touched volume 6 of Fruits Basket. I've been so busy with homework that it's unreal. Speaking of homework, tonight I need to write most if not all of my research paper for psychology along with a chapter outline. My mom sent me an email this morning saying that my dad was in town from FL. He's looking for a job and perhaps a place to stay. Not sure I'm ready for that one. I got an email this morning from an old friend as well. Brett is still alive and kicking or so it seems. I hope he is doing alright. In other news, I'm waiting for my tax return. It was suppose to be a good amount, but I haven't received it yet so what good is it? I guess I need to contact the IRS later. Fun, fun, fun.

Class. There's not too much going on with class. Right now I'm sitting in my Director MX class. The only real challenge I've had thus far is my Psychology class. That's alright though. The class is interesting and is a challenge. My mom is coming to the school today to fight with financial aid. They keep trying to up my payments and I can't afford that crap. It's bad enough as it is.

Work. Frances got the assistant manager job. That means they most likely won't be needing me to open or anything unless it's an emergency. I don't care about that too much. In fact, I don't care if they give me little to no responsibility at all. I'm just happy because I got a raise and a promotion which will both look awesome on my resume. Byron still hasn't shown up for work so I'm guessing that my boss will be looking for another stock person soon. Other than that there isn't too much going on at work. Another big boss is coming so our store is trying to get ready for that. And.. that's about it...

Till later..

What is my destiny?

2006-02-13T08:20:00.000-05:00

Sotw: No Doubt - Just a girl
Aotw: N/A
Motw: Fruits Basket Vol. 6?
Feeling: Sane

Ok, so the anger issue has been overrided. I'm not exactly sure how, but I'm feeling a little better. Today I'm getting a lot of my Vday gifts, if not all of them.

School news: Can't wait to graduate. Today is going to be boring.

Work news: The past couple of days have been fun at work. Yesterday we had most of the FCO staff working since Vday is near and they think our store is gonna be super busy. It was kinda busy but not what they were looking for. I think today we'll do much better. Still almost full staff today. Fun, fun, fun. :)

Cracker jacks.

2006-02-06T11:12:00.000-05:00

Sotw: No Doubt - Just a girl
Aotw: Princess Miyu
Motw: Fruits Basket Vol. 5
Feeling: forsaken

Cracker jacks. Let's talk about cracker jacks. (that's my replacement for cuss words) How the heck can the Seahawks lose the Super Bowl? Now the Steelers don't have to eat their own words. Sigh. Darn favorites. *shakes fist* My life remains the same somewhat. The only change I've noticed is that I'm becoming more angry because people I care for or have to deal with are treating me like [cracker jacks]. The only good thing right now is my home life which is great, but it's wonderful when you can enjoy work and school as well.

As for school, I've been emailing a teacher back and fourth about receiving that C in her class. The first reply I got was kinda snobby and uncalled for. With that, all week I've been thinking about emailing her back with some choice words such as you stupid [cracker jacks].. etc. Use your imagination. Then I even daydreamed of sending her a threatning email, but I'd get in trouble for something I wouldn't even go through on. I could always put up the fight that she tells us to write papers about how to kill prostitutes, gather witnesses, and such, but I'd like to avoid the system. I even pondered going to a random location and using a random email address but I rethought it and fighting fire with fire makes me just as lame as her. Plus she could proberly pick me out since I'm so quiet and sometimes negative. Lucky. -_-

At work I'm not having so much luck either. My boss obviously favors my friend over myself so he's nice to her and treats me like crap. I've been so close to telling him off lately. I think he's also taking advantage of me by making me work so many hours. He probably thinks he's making me suffer but it's the opposite. Chi-ching. Thank you for the overtime, sucker. I worked all last week plus the weekend because Barb hurt herself so I worked for her and myself. Saturday I worked for 11 hours about and then worked Sunday. So I'm going on my 8th day in a row. It isn't bothering me. Tom must think it is because I'm being quiet with him. No. It's more like I'm pissed off at you old man. You are treating me like crap. I wouldn't talk to him much if he wasn't my boss. Dumb [cracker jack]. The hard part is that Frances is my friend and Tom acts like such a prince around her, but when she leaves to the back or away from us, he's a [cracker jack]. On the days Frances isn't there, he acts a little nicer to me because he has no one else to talk to. Stupid [cracker jack]. Your dumbass isn't suppose to have [cracker jack] favorites. You're the store manager you [cracker jack]. Maybe he'll start actting like a real boss again. Right. After he's done flirting. [Cracker jack]. Work sucks. But I won't work any less because that's my income. [Cracker jack] ^_^ Old perv.

Complicated. X-rated.

2006-02-02T11:10:00.000-05:00

Sotw: Offspring - Want you bad
Aotw: Princess Miyu OVA
Motw: Fruits Basket Vol. 5
Feeling: I'm a'ight

Hrhr. :/ I gave that stupid ass speech so well yet I still got a C in that class. I think the teachers messed up though. The highest grade given was a B I think. So stupid. Today's my last day in this class so I'm trying to find inspiration to build a web site I'm dreading building. We'll see. Next term I have psychology and web multimedia which both should be fun.

At work I think I'm going to be calling off the promotion I can possibly get. I'm gonna throw in the towel and let Francis have the job so she'll actually have a job. Today I'm telling Tom. He'll be happy though since he likes her more so. Bleh. All those times of trying to help the store out. The only positive thing that I think can come from this is showing that I'm not a greedy bastard and that I have a lot of good integrety. I don't think I want the job anyway. I'll have to deal with the ghetto kids who like to come over and steal from our store. And did I mention all I can do is watch them do it? -_- Stupid ass company. I wouldn't want to represent them that much if they're gonna let some dumbass black people steal from our store and just stand by watching them. Good game.

Today there really is no good news besides it being a Thursday which has proved to be my goodluck day sometimes. Lately that hasn't held true though. -_-

the more you suffer the more it shows you really care, right? Yea.

2006-01-31T10:31:00.000-05:00

Sotw: Offspring - Self-Esteem
Aotw: Vampire Princess Miyu
Motw: Fruits Basket Vol. 5
Feeling: Better than a lot

Today it's said that the big bosses are coming to our store. My thoughts aren't much of any. They come if they come and then they go if they came. I'm not worried about my cards because I've kept up with them so well. As for the rest of the store, that's Toms area. At first I thought I'd want to meet them that way I could help myself get promoted; now I could care less what the heck happens. I don't think I'd like that job anyway. Dealing with noobish people. No thanks. I'd be dealing with them even more so than I am right now.

Tomorrow I have a speech to give to a class. I've barely started it of course, but that's alright. I need to write my speech/note cards tonight so I have something to run on. I need to get the rest of my experiment as well. Once that's over, then I should be all set for tomorrow. I still lack the inspiration to build a three page web site for this class. I hope next class I'll have the inspiration I need so I can at least pass this class.

I still haven't even started my volume 5 fb manga yet. I wonder why. Mark and I have had so much enjoyment watching Princess Miyu that I guess I haven't gotten into it much. I proberly will tonight since we finished the newer series. The only thing I didn't like was the fact Miyu and Lava didn't get any closer. I was kinda hoping for a love scene, but I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too. Darn. I wanted to eat it. :(

Thunder only happens when it's raining...

2006-01-26T11:41:00.000-05:00

Sotw: Fleetwood Mac - Dreams
Aotw: Princess Miyu Vampire Princess
Feeling: Honored :)

I feel like I just blogged out my mom in an email. Current events are about the same. Class is still boring and I still can't wait to graduate. -_-; I do have some good news from work though. Out of no where yesterday my boss asked my age. I said 18 and asked why he asked.. he said that I would make a good head cashier.. if only I were older. Darn! So close to promotion. ><; I'm kinda sad that I can't. Today, I think I'm gonna ask him if we can do something to get around that rule. I've more than proven my worth to this company. I know I'd do a good job. Well, none the less, the words made me feel really good. So uh, yea.. I'm flattered.

The psychology behind dreams..

2006-01-24T09:56:00.000-05:00

Sotw: Janet - Someone to call my lover
Aotw: Princess Miyu
Manga: Fruits Basket
Feeling: Sane

Lately my dreams have been full of what one might say as interesting things. Last night I must have woke up three or four times from dreams of demons. If my dreams weren't about that, they were about me being at work. I guess that means I'm working too much, doesn't it? Lately, life has been fair for me. The only unhappiness that exists is school, but when was that ever happiness? -_- I just can't wait to graduate. I hope I will though. I skip class as much as I can without failing myself. Why? Work sometimes. To be honest though, it's usually those mornings that I don't feel like getting up. Sigh. "Don't you want to be something after this though?" Yes. Not what you want me to be though. So screw off.

I got an email from Ruthie this morning. The email subject was a cuss word, so of course I read it. It read something like '*#$!, I haven't heard from you in a long time'. Eh, duh. For all of you who don't remember, Ruthie is Dallas's little sister. Maybe I should ask how Dallas is but I'm sure that *$..er, guy is doing just fine. ^_^ Nah, I don't hate him. I'm just sure he isn't doing something he should be. It's really too bad I don't care anymore. I'm just lucky I didn't get sucked in by demons when I was living with him. No joke.

So far, the manga I'm reading is really great. I love reading Fruits Basket. So far I'm up to volume four. I need to get five. I hate how long it takes me to read the thing. The problem is the manga volumes aren't long enough. I get so sucked into it that I wind up reading an entire volume in one night. -_-; I recommend it to anyone who likes romance mangas. Each pay check so far has got me one volume. I'm guessing this will continue until they run out of story to write.

I found out something bad about liking to type so much. Once you get pretty fast and good at typing, you don't want to go back to writing. To be honest, I prefer typing over writing because I can type so much faster than I can hand writing. So uh, yeah. Duh. -_- You all knew that. :/

Bleh.

2006-01-19T09:24:00.000-05:00

Sotw: Counting Crows - Low
Manga: Fruits Basket Vol. 4
Feeling: I'm here

The more I sit through this class, the more I wonder why I'm even trying to enter the computer field. I really can't see myself doing this. -_- This is great experience and all, but I can't see me being happy working with computers everyday. Maybe I feel this way because of the fact that every Adobe class is about the same or the fact that I could proberly care less about programming. Maybe when Cold Fusion comes around I'll learn to appreciate programming some more. It's not that it's hard, it's just I don't see myself with a career in that field. So I'll just be taking my degree here and moving on to bigger and better things. Hopefully I'll wind up like my mom who went to work with degrees in certain areas yet landed a job in a completely different field of expertees. I would like to apply for the asst. manager position at our store, but stupid school is in the way. Plus, who would do their cards for them? I'd only make like a dollar or two more an hour and the work is much more stressful, but hey, I'd take it. I learn real fast and I'm a good worker. Enough said. -_- Plus, they can depend on me heavily and if they tried to call me right out of the blue there's a 97% chance I'll be there(that's including my going to school). Blah. I don't like working with computers too much anymore. At first I thought this was the field for me, but it's not. What a pissant, huh? I'm thinking about staying relatively near the field I'm working in now. Something to do with work I enjoy. What's the chance of that? I guess high if I put effort into it. :/

Dreams, they were like clouds in my coffee.

2006-01-17T10:57:00.000-05:00

Sotw: Simply Red - Holding back the years
VGotw: Madden 06
Feeling: Alright

The abuse one receives from one's head is outstanding. It's almost like you are your own worst nemesis. Which in my case could be true. I already pondered over my own destruction, but right now I have too much to live for. Both halves of me agree that we are happy with life right now. Maybe not with each other but content with life, yes. I was happy with my pay check. I think this pay check was the highest one I received so far. My raise also started on this past check, so I think that helped some. I've been dealing with stress really well. I've been praying more, working out more, enjoying time with Mark more, rather than let my inner self destroy me. Why do I consider my inner self as an enemy? Perhaps because I down myself when at low points. Sometimes at work a customer will be a real prick and I just have to suck it in. My inner me likes to think about what was said and done though, which makes everything so much worse. Because then I think about what I should have said or done to spite the person. I bet that sounds real Christian like.

School is kinda stressful. I'm enjoying the technical communication class. All we're doing is busy work and stuff I like to excel in such as audience analysis projects and advertising ideals. I heard that next we're going to creating directions or manuals just like a technical writer would do. I think I could stand a job like that. Because sitting in front of a computer screen like I'm doing atm, is pissing me off. I get so frustrated when I have to follow directions from a textbook and the program I'm using won't let me go through with the instructions because the stupid book forgot to tell me something. Plus, I'm pissed off because Adobe products are almost all the same and here I am wasting my time using each one. Stupid school can't even afford computers to run the stupid programs. Anyways.... ^___^;

At work there's this guy named Vernard who came from one of the other stores to fill in as a temp manager. This guy is awesome though. He's strick about keeping the store neat and actually stands up for his associates. I don't want this guy to leave. I think the major reason our store is B rated is because of security and lack of good management. I would love to work at the store he does though. I bet they do everything by the book there while unlike here, we don't. Byron still hasn't come to work and no one has heard from him in about three days. I don't know if he made it to work today, but I'll find out shortly. If he hasn't I think we'll be getting a new employee soon enough. We'll see.

Eh, well, thanks for listening to my rant. It was all holding up inside of me. I think all the evilness is gone now though. >>;

..it's like being stoned.

2006-01-09T11:35:00.000-05:00

Sotw: Counting Crows - Low
Aotw: Paranoia Agent
Feeling: I'm alive

Alright. So I've made it through the night and I'm making it through the day. Instead of creating a new blog just for you I think it shall remain the same. Of course you deserve your own space and own place. I just want to thank you for waking me this day and allowing myself and millions of other joyous, overly thrilled about living, people. Just kidding. I hope you'll forgive me for my many mistakes. My faults are far beyond my own recognition. Please forgive and forget. Continue to shape my life with your hands. Thanks.

a Million miles, a million miles..

2006-01-05T08:35:00.000-05:00

Sotw: Counting Crows - Low
Aotw: Paranoia Agent
Feeling: Okay

Yay. Yet another song to add to the 'I need to download this song and burn it to a cd' list. Too bad my internet access is limited to school and my moms house. It figures, since I finally got that cdr/rw drive this Christmas. Classes finally returned from break. I can't say I'm overly thrilled, but I am happy I graduate next October. Then the world will have to put up with me--with a degree. Not too much going on at work. Just the same old stuff. One holiday ends and one begins. Greeting cards come in and greeting cards go out. Currently I'm setting up Valentine's Day. I've only started putting them out, so you know customers are complaining. Blah. Get out of my store. *snicker* I've been trying to become a better person lately. I mean attitude wise. Trying to think more positively, etc. Not really working. The more I try the more I fail. Lately I've felt different. Haven't gotten as much sleep as I'd like. I'll just get up and go workout. I guess it's stress, but I'm not sure. Sometimes I just stand outside, look up at the stars, and pray for people I love. What's a girl to do? I guess my soul is still wandering aimlessly.

Just enough

2005-12-08T12:41:00.000-05:00

Feeling: Bored
Sotw: Kelly Clarkson
VGotw: ESPN 05
Aotw: None

This class is so boring. All he does is lecture lecture lecture. Boring. I've felt like just standing up and walking out about 3 times already in the past two hours. That's bad. His lecture is about stuff I'm not to sure about, but his presentation (the typical boring voice that comes with lectures; slow; unfun) isn't making me anymore interested. So here I am typing up current events. I haven't typed much lately due to the busy schedule, my not always having access to the internet, and there not being much to talk about. Work is alright lately. I was told I'm actually THE card coordinator. It seems they brought back the position so I'm professional now? No matter what you consider it, I consider it an honor to be recognized as THE card coordinator for a Factory Card Outlet. I'm in control of one of the most important parts of the store. Yes, it does feel good. No one works under me but I still do the job really well. Boss says so. Oh, I'll stop bragging. I'm happy though if you can't tell. :D That and it's almost 1 so I can leave this boring class! Mark and I are doing really well now that we got over being sick for about four days. I bought a majority of his Christmas presents today. Weee.

Tears falling from the sky..

2005-11-21T09:21:00.000-05:00

Feeling: Sound
Sotw: Kelly Clarkson - Because of you
VGotw: XIII
Aotw: I forget the name of it...

Oh, how the land has longed for the rain.. today it's drinking a bunch. As far as I know it's been raining all night long and is continuing on now into the day. Just sitting in the SQL class.. looking out the window at the rain. This is my favorite weather. Yesterday was a really great day. I was told to train the new employee. At the end of the day my boss asked me to his office.. he told me I did a great job and that I earned brownie points with him. The new employee was trained on the cash register. He was perfect or should I say 'on the money' when the drawer was counted down. So that was awesome. Then my mom came by and gave us food. She saved us a trip shopping. She loved the new place. Today is fair so far. We'll see, shall we?

To save my own...

2005-11-14T08:47:00.001-05:00

Feeling: Pretty darn good
Sotw: Nightwish - 10th man down
Aotw: n/a
Vgotw: Madden 2006

So far so good. Today is the last day of AdWP(Advanced Web Page Design). I'm finishing my 10 page web site as the final grade in the class. Next term I have SQL and PS. Both the same instructor too. What fun. Mark and I got moved in to our apartment alright. Everything is fixed up. It's nice living by ourselves. We don't need to lock any door except the front door. No siblings. No parents. Just us and two nice big tv's with all the other stuff we have. Where we live now, work is 45 mins away(walking) which is helping me with my body building. I can almost see my abs show, which is making me really proud. I do tons of sit ups at night. Well, nights that Mark goes to work. I'm too embarressed to exercise in front of him. To be honest, I'm too embarressed to exercise in front of anyone. If you can't tell, I'm really private. I don't like eatting in front of anyone either; Mark can eat with me though because he's cute. :D Not too much going on other than the listed stuff. Some of the people that are at work with me are leaving. So far, Sherry is going, Barb, Chad, and maybe some of the part timers. Wee. More hours for the rest of us. Koklia is trying to leave as well, but we'll see if that happens. As of currently, no place will hire her. Aw well. Tomorrow I need to complete my 8 page report for english. Yes, that's my english final. Till later..

To save my own...

2005-11-14T08:47:00.000-05:00

Feeling: Pretty darn good
Sotw: Nightwish - 10th man down
Aotw: n/a
Vgotw: Madden 2006

So far so good. Today is the last day of AdWP(Advanced Web Page Design). I'm finishing my 10 page web site as the final grade in the class. Next term I have SQL and PS. Both the same instructor too. What fun. Mark and I got moved in to our apartment alright. Everything is fixed up. It's nice living by ourselves. We don't need to lock any door except the front door. No siblings. No parents. Just us and two nice big tv's with all the other stuff we have. Where we live now, work is 45 mins away(walking) which is helping me with my body building. I can almost see my abs show, which is making me really proud. I do tons of sit ups at night. Well, nights that Mark goes to work. I'm too embarressed to exercise in front of him. To be honest, I'm too embarressed to exercise in front of anyone. If you can't tell, I'm really private. I don't like eatting in front of anyone either; Mark can eat with me though because he's cute. :D Not too much going on other than the listed stuff. Some of the people that are at work with me are leaving. So far, Sherry is going, Barb, Chad, and maybe some of the part timers. Wee. More hours for the rest of us. Koklia is trying to leave as well, but we'll see if that happens. As of currently, no place will hire her. Aw well. Tomorrow I need to complete my 8 page report for english. Yes, that's my english final. Till later..

You leave me broken shattered alive..

2005-10-31T08:06:00.000-05:00

Feeling: Sleepy
Sotw: "Take me out"
Aotw: Azu Manga Dioh
Vgotw: Madden 2005

Yuck. Another halloween. Nothing new. Just the same old excuse stupid people use to get drunk/high. This 'holiday' sucks. People just want more of a chance to act in evil ways on one day than they can get by with on any other day. I heard on the radio the other day saying something like 'come to the something club. Be as naughty and sinfull as you want.' How lame. People. Sigh. I guess I can't really complain about all the faults ignorant people have because someone will call me a elitist, which is not true because I do not hold myself higher than other people. But anyway, I got little sleep last night as I stayed up playing Madden 2005 till about 3 am. I'm playing a season as the Arizona Cardinals. I know, I know. I'm a crazy person. The cardinals suck, yada yada. When I play as them though, they are ok. I actually had an 19-0 season with them! Woo. Maybe next time I'll make the cpu ai higher. Well, an advantage to playing as them is I learn the players names. My happiness with Mark still continues to grow. I've missed him a lot lately though. The holiday season and working at FCO makes our schedules collide because they ask me to work longer hours into the night sometimes.

Today I killed.. he was just a boy.

2005-10-17T10:18:00.000-04:00

Feeling: Content
Sotw: Nightwish - 10th man down
Aotw: Bubblegum Crash : The Crash Collection
VGotw: Sonic GX

Ok. So this is the last month living with my mom and family hopefully. November 8 is when Mark and I can move in to our own apartment. After class I need to go down and visit financial aid and tell them I'll bring my paperwork tomorrow. I also think that after I leave class I'm gonna go apply at target. Er, or maybe I'll do that tonight after work. Why am I applying? I think it would be easier to have a nighttime job so I can actually work 40 hours or more. I'm limited in the day time because I have class. I can't wait to graduate. Even though this school has offered me little more than a piece of crap. I'll take the piece of paper saying I have my associates in Internet Technoligy and web design. Thank you very much. Life is going alright so far. Just waiting to see what The Good Lord will give me and being thankful for it. Cheers.

I'm losing you...

2005-10-06T10:19:00.000-04:00

Feeling: Alright I suppose
Sotw: U2 - The sweetest thing
Aotw: Dual Parallel
Vgotw: Zelda Collection for GC

Oh Oh Oh, the sweetest thing. This morning I woke up with a headache. Did I mention yet that I was late to class? Nah, but you probably figured as much. Yay. Monday is the last day of communication. Woohoo. I think I actually enjoyed that class though. We actually did something.Mark got third shift at his job. So yea. Right now we're 'having fun' trying to squeeze in time to see each other. I miss sleeping with him..sleeping as in cuddling and actually sleeping. Get your heads out of the gutter. Sigh. Later he's gonna tell me how his night went, so I'll see whether I'm gonna be applying for another job or not. I'm thinking about getting a night job so I can be on the same schedule. I think I'd like that schedule anyway. Class would be the last place I'd be before bed. Well, besides home. We'll see. The Good Lord will take care of us. I know He will. I'm so thankful for Mark. I'm so happy with Mark. Weee..

I'm no good until I've had my coffee.

2005-09-29T09:14:00.000-04:00

Feeling: Tired
Sotw: Nightwish - Higher than Hope
VGotw: GTA
Aotw: Parrellel Universe

Son of a gun. This class doesn't get any more boring, does it? Some good news for this week is that Mark and I were approved for an apartment. We move in next month. Thankfully it's not too far from work, so I'll still be building my legs really well. Today is my brother's birthday. He's 17. Oct. 12th is both Marks and my bosses b-day. I have some ideas for both. For Tom, I thought I might buy him some McD's coupons since he eats there everyday it seems. As for Mark, I have some different plans. Just a few minutes ago I was looking at pet web sites. I don't think I really want a pet that sits in a cage all the time. To be honest, I want a dog. Since Mark is allergic to cats, it seems I have no choice. That's fine with me though. I was looking at baby German Shepherds. I would buy one, but first we need to move into the apartment and such. I think a German Shepherd will make a great pet. Especially if we can train it to be a good guard dog as well. I think I'll read up on caring for them first and see if I really want one. I think Mark would like one too. He said he likes that kind of dog. The gifts I'm getting for his b-day, I won't make known since he likes to read this thing sometimes. I may mention afterward though. Geez this class is so boring. I'm leaving in about a hour. Mark and I are going to have some coffee before I have to go to work. Maybe lunch too. I'm so happy with Mark. A lot of the time I wake up and don't want to go anywhere. Just lay next to him. He's so comfty. *happy sigh* Well, I best go. Not like I'm gonna do anything important. First I'll take a break, then come back and surf the web again. Peace.

Ready..? ACTION!

2005-09-15T08:35:00.000-04:00

Sotw: Nightwish - I wish I had an angel
Aotw: Burst Angel
VGotw: GTA Vice City

Today's gonna be rather interesting.. It started off kinda rocky and now I'm nervous because I'm in this taped commercial type deal. We have a script and everything. I just got done practicing my lines some. We'll see if that does me any good. We'll see as in me and myself. Yes, I'm more of a nut case then ever. The rocky feeling I had this morning combined with the feelings I have now are making me feel blah. I felt kinda depressed this morning. I'm sure that will change throughout the day. Time to go.. 3, 2, 1 and.. action.

Update: I'm having fun doing this film. It's quite fun. We've had some bloopers already and each time we've messed up, we all just laugh about it.

-The crew-
Ismael - Director
Mike - Camera
Robert - Actor
Daniel - Actor
Me - Actress

It's really fun and I'm enjoying myself. Our crew is getting to know each other a little better and we're joking and talking a little more. At first it was kinda blehish because we didn't know each other too well, but that's changed now. We only got a 'take 5' so I better get going. QUIET ON THE SET!

In my hands..

2005-09-06T08:07:00.000-04:00

Feeling: Awake
Sotw: Fuel - Hemorrhage (in my hands)
Aotw: Vampire Princess Miuu
VGotw: Super Mario Advance 4

So far away.. leave me to myself. So far away. Leave love bleeding in my hands. Here's Tuesday. I came in kinda on time only to find out that tomorrow I start my 'communication' class. The teacher is kinda.. bleh. I guess I shouldn't judge. Now I'm finding out that she's pregnet. A classmate was joking around saying she doesn't want a pregnet lady in control of her grades. I can actually see sense in that. I hope Mark has a good day. Poor baby had a rough start. He got up late. Today's his Friday. I just hope he can survive. He's excited about this new job he's trying to get. I'll have to keep praying for him, hoping that The Lord will be kind enough to grant him that. I know we'll appreciate it. Anyways, almost lecture time.

Untitled.

2005-09-01T10:33:00.000-04:00

Feeling: Unproductive
Sotw: Offspring - Gotta get away
Aotw: Shopping Arcade
VGotw: Jurassic Park (SNES)

I had fun last night with Mark. We went to Blockbuster and got two movies. We stayed up pretty late watching them. It's alright though. I'm ok today. I don't feel sleepy or anything. Today is the final day for animation class which I'm kinda relieved about. I can't say I enjoyed this class at all. I got almost nothing out of it which makes it kinda pointless I guess. Today I'm kinda getting tested on ActionScript. Something that wasn't even fully taught to us. I'd say we spent a day or a few on it and that wasn't enough. So yeah. It's 10:38 am and I feel like walking out at 11. I'll send the professor what I did and if he chooses to fail me, tough luck. I'd want my money back for this class anyway. In other news, I work tonight till 9:30. I've been saying a lot of prayers for Mark because he's been having health issues lately. I try to be there for him, but what good am I? I'm no DR or PHD. Poor guy. He deserves better than me and more then I can ever offer. :) My brother came home late last night from work. He was cussing and pissed off about something. At the time I didn't know what it could be only to find out later that he possibly had some kind of car problem. When I say that, I mean him getting a ticket or in trouble with the police. Something else my mom doesn't need. I wonder.. (random thoughts) if Mark's still sleeping. I'll find out soon enough. Till later days..

Take my hand

2005-08-29T09:13:00.000-04:00

Feeling: Slightly down
Aotw: Bubblegum Crisis 2040
Sotw: Don Henly - This love
VGotw: SIMS Unleashed (pc version)

Not much to say. I guess I just miss Mark a lot when I'm at school. For some reason I have a feeling of sadness in my chest. Kinda like I want to take a walk randomly while listening to some sad music playing. Don't ask why. I guess today is just 'one of those days'. Today I hand in my portfolio for class. So once I stop blogging.. I'm gonna finish up. Blah blah.. work.. blah blah.. class. Right. -_- I'm looking at getting some kind of pet. I had a plant I was taking care of, but the ants got to it while it was outside. It's hard to bring something into the house with bugs all in and on it. Aw well. Maybe something will cheer me up today. I really didn't want to leave the house this morning.. I felt like skipping class.. but this portfolio thing has to be done. I guess I'll leave it at this for now.. till we meet again.

Risen..

2005-08-25T09:11:00.000-04:00

Feeling: Content
Sotw: Greenday - Holiday
Aotw: BubbleGum Crisis 2040
VGotw: Midnight Club 2

Kinda bored atm. I'm sitting in Flash class. I can't say I'm getting too much from it. To be honest, I bet if I had a good book I could learn this all at home. I figured out that I'm pretty good at learning by myself now. I threw together a list of songs I'd like to have on a cd. First thing's first though; buying a cdrw drive. Not too sure if I want to though. Mark got a call the other day saying he'd passed the test. He also recieved a call from a jail house and he's got an interview Monday. Yay, sweetheart! GL. Current news about my work: Inventory is this Sunday. Yes, this means I wake up at 5:30 am just so I can make it to work by 6:30. (side note:Lately people have been complimenting me to the big boss. ^^;;) The only good thing I can say about that is we may get donuts and coffee. That's THE only good thing. That and being able to see another day of The Lord's wonderful blessings. ^^; Trying to remain positive. God bless Mark. The poor guys back is bothering him. I've said prayers for him. Hopefully The Good Lord will answer willingly with a good response. Aw well. Any and all prayers are appreciated. I shall pray for you too..

Ugh

2005-08-24T09:21:00.000-04:00

Son of a bitch. I hate anger. This morning I got up late, so of course I was moody. But to add onto that, I took it out on Mark. Good job, Alektra. *stab* *stab*. --; What a jerk. This morning sucked.. Now it's getting better hopefully.. I really owe Mark an apology though. Thankfully he's willing to forgive me of my dumb mistakes. Tonight I told him we'd go out and do something fun.. hopefully it will make up for it. I'm tired of having to get up every morning though. If it isn't school, it's work. I should have known better though. I shouldn't have gotten so upset. Gah. I'm not even typing right. -_- Well, hopefully today gets better. Er, I get better. -_- Cheers.

Almost time..

2005-08-23T09:26:00.000-04:00

Sotw: Greenday - Holiday
Aotw: BubbleGum Crisis 2040
VGotw: Midnight Club 2

*yawn* *stretch* Remember that day off? Yeah. I don't either. Turns out Byron decided not to show up for work. Guess who that means had to go in almost right after class? Me. Aw well.. Tom was desperate for someone to help him by filling in. I think this next check will look good because I should see some overtime for this week and the last. Wee. I can't wait till major holidays roll around. No one likes to work so I get called in and get paid double. That's how it worked last time anyway. >>; I kinda hope it is. Work's alright so far. The new people aren't getting too many hours, so I'm safe for the time being. I think work just tried calling me but my dumb phone service is crap in this building. --; Hopefully whoever will call again. Maybe Byron didn't show up again. *shrug* >>; I'm supposibly learning how to use flash in this class.. I want to learn more then it's given me so far though. I'll probably wind up taking a book out on AS(actionscript) and teaching myself. I want to learn more Japanese but my time has been so limited the past few days.. aw well.. lecture time.

*Sotw = Song of the week
*Aotw = Anime of the week
*VGotw = Video Game of the week

But a dream..

2005-08-22T07:23:00.000-04:00

Listening to: n/a
Aotw: BubbleGum Crisis 2040
Sotw: Greenday - Holiday
VGotw: Midnight Club 2

*yawn* Goodmorning. Arriving to class early has it's advantages and disadvantages. Not too much is new. Which, can in fact be a good thing. I'm currently learning how to speak Japanese and taking care of a rose plant. To be honest, doing both of these things takes time, which I'm having no problem giving due to both interesting me. I named the rose plant I'm caring for, Plantee. >>; Yeah, I can get kinda geeky. While I have the day off from work today, I'm going to practice and learn more Japanese. Maybe even work out a little. Hm.. Mark's at work all day till three. I can do plenty. I miss him though. Our relationship is going great.. I'm happy. He's happy. ^_^; We're still looking for an apartment though. When I say looking, it's really until we save up enough to do so. I'm putting my wanting to have a motorcycle type vehicle to the side for right now. I need to focus on bigger and better dreams, then worry about smaller ones later. I better start on my boring class work. Till later..

*Aotw = anime of the week
*Sotw = Song of the week
*VGotw = video game of the week

=\

2005-08-01T08:56:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Evanescence - Everybody's fool
Feeling: Great
Anime: Burst Angel
VG: X-Files

The same fate proceeds me. Lately life has consisted of working, schooling, animeing and playing video games. I can't argue. I'm actually enjoying life for once. Mark and I are doing great. We're still working on saving for an apartment. Our dreams consist of the life we'll be living and how it will be when we are on our own. Currently, we'll be finishing an anime and a video game. I reccommend both of them. The internet is down at the house and I'm still computerless. My brother was suppose to be fixing it but he hasn't yet. It's taking so long. I'm considering buying myself a brand new computer. We'll see.

Boo.

2005-07-12T09:24:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Nightwish - Bless the Child
Feeling: Happy

Not too much going on lately. I had a great weekend with Mark. We went to the beach. We had so much fun. We got a nice room away from the beach because all the rooms on the beach were crappy and cost too much. So we went a little away and found this nice hotel which only had suites left. Our suite had a jacuzzi and everything. It was awesome. We had time to do this because somehow I got 3 days off from work. We went kayaking and such. I had tons of fun. I could have used some more money but I'm thankful for what I had. Now it's back to the same routine. Mark and I are slowly gathering funiture for our new place. No.. we haven't found our place yet, but it's good to have the funiture so that way we don't have to struggle getting it while having to pay rent and such. We still want this couch we haven't got yet. In other news, I might be looking for a new job soon. Then again, I may not. Rant rant rant. lalala.

Mmm Cheetos. ^_____^;

2005-07-07T09:35:00.000-04:00

Headbanging to: Eagles - Life's been good to me
Feeling: Pretty darn good

Oh man. Life's been so good lately. Thank you, Good Lord, for allowing me to be happy. All of His blessings have made me really happy lately. And since no one reads this, no one can mock me for believing, thanking, and trusting in God. God gave me a loving boyfriend and I'm so greatful. Today, I'm going to miss him a lot because I work from 2-9:30ish tonight. It seems however that I work nice hours on Friday and I get the weekend off for once. Sooooooo.... Mark and I are going to the beach this weekend. I think we're gonna be climbing and exploring a battle ship. I LOVE YOU MARK! Even though he probably won't read this.. I want anyone to know that I love him. ^_______^ I'm so happy with you! Oh, I've been posting lately on anime forums just for the hell of it. I'm bored in this class kinda.(HTML class) The only good thing about being bored is mostly because I zoom ahead of everyone and have tons of time to spare. At least I'm doing the work though. ^_^ In English the other day, I was complemented, by a fellow classmate who had edited my paper, about how much he enjoyed reading it. We had to do a peer edit session after writing are narritive essays. Our next essay is of a different genre. I think I'll try making my essay a little shorter next time. The narritive piece I wrote came out to 3 and a quarter pages. x_x In the video game world, Mark and I are getting better at Twisted Metal 2 while having fun playing State of Emergency. Weee. ^________^ Work is ok. I get to see Barb soon so I'm happy. Till later days..

dot dot dot

2005-07-05T08:06:00.000-04:00

So,.. I'm pcless currently at home. My brother says he needs to purchase some part in order for it to start working correctly. He said he'll fix it this Thursday. We'll see. In other news, Mark and I had the day off yesterday from our usual responsibilities, so we decided to have some fun, and that's what we did. We went to an EB games store and purchased "Twisted Metal 2" and "State of Emergency". Both of the games are pretty fun. Anyways I need to restart so later

They say crying is a bad thing..

2005-06-30T08:44:00.000-04:00

Headbanging to: B4-4 - Don't let the sun catch you crying
Feeling: Spiffy

Wow. It's already Thursday. Today's my Friday. Well, for school at least. Last night, Mark, my brother, and I were trying to get my computer back up and running. After Mark and I connected all the wires, we tried turning it on and we got this long beeping noise. The noise lasts about 3 seconds. I turned on the monitor and it was still black. My brother said it might be something to do with the video. I was gonna start troubleshooting it, but Mark had a headache and was tired so we went to bed. I can't complain though. Lately, I've been late to class because I've been so tired. It's not completely my fault though. I rarely get to sleep in. If I'm not at school, I'm at work. I just hope Mark doesn't get tired of me. I mean.. sometimes we don't see each other till 9:30 at night from about 7 in the morning. He says he doesn't and I believe him, but I still worry. He also told me that he's worried I won't find him cool because I'm into the whole computer thing and he's not really. I then listened to him tell me his worries about this. Poor guy worries too much. I tried to comfort him the best I could. I hope I helped somewhat. Money has been an issue lately. I think this issue has stressed both of us out some. We're trying to save for an apartment, but right now we only have me as the source of income(until he gets his check). I get paid tomorrow, so I'm happy about that. I'm waitting on the bank to send me MY checking card. Yay. I'll finally have my own credit record. Mark's come up with a billing plan for us. I can tell the poor guy is stressed out. I think I'll buy him a visit to the Chiropractor this next check. Maybe he'll feel a little better. In other news, I skip class for the stupidest reasons. Like what, you ask? So I can sleep in some days. My classes this term are a little better. I've got an even harder English course(yay!) and Web Page Design(or something along those lines.. which is also a yay!). Today I'm gonna troubleshoot my computer with my bro between class and work. Yay. ^__________^;

dot dot dot...

2005-06-28T08:58:00.000-04:00

Headbanging to: Nightwish - Dead to the world
Feeling: Decent

Mmm.. 9 o' clock.Yesterday my English 105 class started. That class is supposibly advanced and is gonna require a whole lot of essays to be done, but that's alright. I think I may like it. Today is my "Web page design" class. B-o-r-i-n-g. How many times do I have to go through the same thing? *sigh* In other news.. today I get a break from work. What will I do with all this free time? Nothing too interesting. I need to go to the bank..and the nearest computer store.. I'm gonna get me a flash drive! m00t. ;/ Ooo..ooo.. today I get to install a new mobo because my current one is starting to fry. My CMOS battery started melting.. well not CMOS battery, but CMOS chip. Some of the wires are becoming worn.. so now I need a new case as well. .. more money out of my pocket. Weeee. --; I may update later.. this class is kinda boring.

BSoD...? no.. just DooM..

2005-06-27T15:03:00.000-04:00

Headbanging to: Evanescence - Everybody's fool
Feeling: Content

*beep* *beep* -CMOS battery low- So I tried replacing my battery today with that of another one and it still gives the same error. Guess what I'm doing currently? Shopping around for a mobo while listening to music. I'm also looking into jump/flash drives. Yeah, yeah, there are a million different names for the damn thing. Today I was really feeling anxoius because I was told I'm going to graduate about next summer. That is if I don't give in before then, but I doubt that. I have to leave for work in a few.. time for some crunches.. till next time..

You were always crazy like that...

2005-06-22T10:45:00.000-04:00

Headbanging to: Jewel - Foolish games
Feeling: Productive

Forgive me for awaking you from your slumber. I'm so stressed right now that I just need some place to put the words that long to come out of my mouth.. or maybe out of my mind. Today is the final day for my java class, so we're taking "the final". This last little problem I'm doing is very hard. Damn do while loop. I have no exp with do whiles that I know of so I'm stuck trying to get it to work and learning how to even use it. I've already wrote out the for and while loops for this problem.. now it's down to this. Ack, I'm tired/bored/frustrated. The only good thing about today is probably that I have work off. That's not even that much of a good thing since I'll be behind on my card department. Mark and I went to the mall yesterday. We got the Family Guy Season 2 box set and Madden 2005. No.. I'm not made of money. My mom gave me $100 gift card to spend at the mall for my bday. I was hoping to buy shorts or other garments but the prices were outrageous. $50 for one pair of shorts? Pfft. I'm not a millionaire. So I decided to spend it some other way and wait till I can afford a Wal-Mart shopping spree. --; I'm not sure when that will happen because money is kinda tight atm. I'm trying to save for our apartment but something else always wants to come up. For instance, Mark needing some money in his account so checks dont bounce or for his Chiropractor. Poor guy is waiting on his paychecks to come in from this new job. I don't blaim him. It's really rough at first when you have the same old bills coming in and they don't stop though you had no job for a certain period. I have a feeling The Good Lord will take good care of us though and help us through whatever. Tomorrow is my math final. Bor-ing. --; I was thinking about going on MSN later to see some of my friends. No one is usually on when I can get on, but I figure I'll leave it signed on while I listen to music and do hw/study for tomorrows final. Time to get back to the program... Greek food = Mmm.. My opinion is based on what I've had so far.

This path may be the most sad..

2005-06-15T08:43:00.000-04:00

Headbanging to: Nightwish - Dead to the world
Feeling: Happy

Jeez I'm tired. =\ As you can see, I made it through Tuesday. Maybe it's because I skipped class and went to a science museum. *shrug* Shortly, I'm going to be working on a java program. This problem should be simple. Not too much going on lately. Work is just being a bish. Ok, ok. It's not work, it's people. Everytime I'm trying to get my job done they crowd around the area I'm working. While doing so they just blurt out what they are looking for, awaiting a nice polite response. Pfft. I've become more cold in the work enviroment. Well, to customers anyway. Today Mark is at his job orientation. GL sweetheart. I think I'm actually at the point where I get one day off a week from work. Amazed? I am. I think it's only because he has to cut hours. He = Tom. Barb's still sick so that leaves me with the rest of the staff to get along with. So far, so good. I better get started on that problem in a few. I'm still trying to think of some things I can do before I turn 18 without getting in trouble. Lately, going to a shooting range has come across my mind. Other than that, not too much going on. If you can think of any ideas about what I can do before I turn 18, give me a shout.

Update: Yay! Mark got the job! He's a Captin! Yay sweetheart! *hugglesnugglenuzzlewuzzleluvvel* =^^=s <3333333

Why am I loved only when I'm gone?

2005-06-13T10:23:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Nightwish - Bless the child
Feeling: Alive

*yawn* It's Monday morning once again. You all know tomorrow is going to be a hell raiser. Stupid Tuesdays. --; There's not too much going on lately. Nothing to really blog since life is going pretty well and my happiness level is up. The only news worth mentioning(if it's worth mentioning) is my birthday(which is this Sunday). Yay. I'll officially be an adult. Ironically, I think I'm working. I'd like it if I could concentrate on my work. The person next to me and the professor are having a conversation and I can't keep focused on my work. I don't even really understand the problem as it is. I change my opinion about class. It's alright when I take the time to try and FIND time to do homework and study. I'm thinking of sticking it out, but my thoughts may change. It really depends as to what happens within the next few days. What's happening in the next few days? You may find out. Other news: I'm now into the whole working out kick and video game kick. Mark and I switch off on missions when playing GTA: VC. We have a small fitness room(the garage), so I've been using the equipment there. Anywho I better get back to work. Duty calls. =\

Over the hills and far away..

2005-06-08T08:17:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Staind - Mudshovel
Feeling: Wonderful

I'm happy with life atm. Last night Mark took me out to this romantic Italian restaraunt. It was awesome! After that we headed to Wal-Mart and had some fun there. We bought a PS2 along with 2 games: Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and Ghost Recon. Today Mark's got an interview with Securitas so I'm going with him so he doesn't get lost. Last time we went there we got lost on the way back. Hopefully that won't happen this time. Goodluck to my sweetheart! All of his stuff made a nice addition to our room. It finally looks like a persons room should. He put some paintings he did on the wall and it just adds brilliance to the room. He's an awesome person with wonderful artistic skills. In other news: Class is becoming gay. I think I've lost all enthusiasm to do well. Why? Because I'm not learning anything I really want to. I mean, I'm still in Java, but you only get 10 days to learn it and it kinda sucks because we learn only a little of the coding. I want to go in depth with it. So yea, I'm thinking about dropping because I don't like how this school works anyway. --; Sorry to say but school in general sucks. I'd rather go to a real college though. Not some "let's learn all about different programming languages each in 10 days" crap. Work is alright. I am pleased with my last pay check. It'll cover some of the bills I owe. --' Plus if I dropped from school I'd have more time for my relationship and work. With all the school issues I've been having lately, I'm not sure of what I want as a career anymore. Maybe I just need to go to a real college for the next 4 yrs and REALLY learn how to program. The only problem is I dont have much time for homework already as it is and this school is like walking on easy street. That's pretty bad. I was thinking about cutting down on work hours, but I've finally come to like being the card coordinator for my store. It's a challenge and I like that. It keeps you on your toes. I know I won't be working there forever, but for now I'll stick with it. Maybe if I drop from school I can focus more on work and learn more on my on. Perhaps.. or maybe not. We'll see. Any suggestions?

2005-06-01T09:04:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Nightwish - White knight fantasy
Feeling: Cheerful

Nightwish has to be my favorite band. I like almost all their work. I have three cds of theirs which include: Over the hills and far away, Century child, and Once. So far all their music has kicked arse. Rock music is awesome. Especially Nightwish rock music. =) So anyway, I'm in java class today. I'm just working on some programs that I need to complete. Java is so much more awesome than C. The only problem is that this instructor is kinda strict/up tight, but whatever. ;/ I'm just waiting for today and tomorrow to be over. On Friday I start my journey to go see my handsome man. I can't wait. I'm so excited. I just need these next two days to hurry up. Actually, I don't. I think the days are going at an ok speed. I'm just super excited/anxoius/happy/nervous/whatever. Man, I can't wait. We're gonna spend time together on Friday night before we start on the road.. the journey of our life begins Saturday morning.. early might I add. --; But hey.. I'll be with the man I love, so it doesnt matter how early or how late. I love you, Mark. You're so super wonderful. Thanks for everything. Of course I'm psyched out because I *LOVE* to travel. Eeep. I'm getting myself all excited.. I can't wait to get to Houston airport.. man.. just to see his face again. I was thinking about running to him and jumping him but that wouldn't work so well since I'll have a carry on bag and I'm totally clumsey. I'd probably fall on my face. --; Yes, Sailor Moon/Serina clumsey. ^__________^; Eeep. I better get back to work.

2005-05-25T08:10:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Foo Fighters - Learn to fly
Feeling: Cheerful ^____^;;;

Yesterday was different. I got a day off from work, but that doesn't mean I had a free day. In fact, I shouldn't even call it a day off because I had class work and homework that had to be done. The other class I have this term is math. "UGH", right? Maybe so. I have this awesome professor for it though and him and I were joking around a lot of the class while he was teaching, so it's cool. This morning was one of those bumpy start mornings, but it got better if you can't tell by the mood posted. Mark was a big help in that. My baby gives me strength for anything almost. Today is my JAVA class, which is so far so good as well. Oh and I just read an email from a last term instructor. He said to stop by and talk to him about my options since the HDD from last term gave me a BSoD(newbs tip: Blue Screen of Death - a complete blue screen with one or many error messages that usually implies that your pc is doomed) in XP. That's my first. :( Aw well. I better get started on my classwork. *cuddles Mark ^________^; 8 days and counting...

Looking out for love.. in the night so still..

2005-05-23T08:53:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Fleetwood Mac - Big Love
Feeling: Cheerful ^________^;

I haven't updated for about 3 days, so here we go. Today I start term 4 of my college experience. The class: Programming 2: Java. Yay! (/geek) ._.' So what? Ok.. so explain why you haven't updated. That's simple. I practically live at work. Saturday, Tom had me working 10 hours and then on Sunday he had me working 8 hours. No complaints though. I was happy with my pay check for the last 2 weeks of work. Despite the times I was late and missed a few hours, it was pretty pleasing. It encourages me to do better and work harder. This next pay check should be good as well, as you've heard a sample of the hours I worked this last weekend. I'm still excited about going to see Mark. My life is just receiving so many blessings lately. I'm happy despite waking up this morning feeling nauseous which is thankfully gone now. I love you, Mark! ^^; You make me so happy! So yea, I'm looking foreward to the trip. I'm trying not to day dream as much this term because I'm really into learning programming, though it's hard to keep myself from doing so. I just like to day dream about the whole trip and seeing my baby again. I just keep trying to picture his face.. I just look into his eyes.. smile.. pet my fingers through his hair.. er ok x.x sorry. He just makes me so happy. I can't wait till we start our little life together. 11 days till my adventure begins.. our adventure begins. I really need to print a map of the directions for when we are driving up together. My mom bought me this awesome atlas which will come in handy! Thanks mom! She's been so helpful lately. She bought me breakfast before work and then brought me drinks while working. She's been supportive. I think she misses spending time with me because now-a-days when we go out to eat or something she says something like 'I don't get to see you much' or 'I haven't seen you in a couple days'. Aw well. Things are going most superbly with Mark. Thanks, love, for everything. I can't wait till you know when! :)

Darling in your wildest dreams you've never had a clue.

2005-05-20T11:24:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Quarterflash - Harden my heart
Feeling: Content

Just a reminder: People suck. I hope I never get close to anyone ever again. No, I'm not having relationship issues atm. I'm talking about people from the past. Currently someone is trying to play games with peoples' minds though he claims not to want to do that. He claims to care, yet he doesn't. He never will either. I dedicate this song to him though the lyrics all don't completely apply. Some that don't being I'm not crying anymore over it and the other that I'm already gone. So yea. Saying you mean something then doing the opposite just shows you have no clue what you're doing. Here are some of the lyrics:

Crying on the corner, waiting in the rain. I swear I'll never ever wait again. You gave me your word. Words for you are lies. Darling in my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd go.. but it's time to let you know. I'm gonna harden my heart. I'm gonna swallow my tears. I'm gonna turn and leave you here. All my life I've been waiting in the rain. I've been waiting for a feeling that never ever came. Feels so close but always disappears. Darling in your wildest dreams, you've never had a clue. Well it's time you got the news. Darling in my wildest dreams, I'd never thought I'd go but it's time to let you know. Ooo oo oo ooooo.

No offense, but I don't think you and I can be friends again. You need to straighten up some. Even when we were together I've felt like I was *just* there. I was right in the end. No matter what you say, I know what I felt was true and you need to change. You run around telling someone you care for them and whatnot while on another server or some other place you're doing the same thing with someone else. You really need to get your feelings together. I know it may seem mean for me to being saying this but it's the truth. Your intent to try and not hurt people is impossible if you keep things like this up. And please don't blog saying how I mistreat you by saying things like this. If you look at the situation closely and really try to see, you'll understand somewhat. You just want someone. That's all you've ever wanted. Why can't we be friends? Because you're the past and I want to leave all the past behind. I thought I didn't want to lose contact with you and I still don't to a certain degree because I hope you're ok and such, but I never again want to be close to where we were or even friends because I try to make friends with certain people I can trust. Once again, this isn't being mean, this is what I feel is the truth. Well, actually, we can be friends again. When? Maybe after "weeks, months, or years". Or perhaps maybe after we both grow up a little more. You hurt me a lot. That takes time to heal. I never want to be part of your games again. Never. You may not think you are playing games but to me you are. You were.

I've had too much coffeeeeee. (not really)

2005-05-19T08:13:00.000-04:00

Headbanging to: Ciara feat. Ludacris - Oh
Feeling: tired/content

Oh round here we ridn' slow. We keep it ghetto you should know..Gettin crunk up in the club, we gets low. Ohhhhh. '-' So anyway, today I'm in an interesting mood. I've found this shareware program that's almost equal to Adobe PS when it comes to image manipulation. So yea, I'm happy. (/geek) Oh and then I found this other software program that deals with building web sites from scratch(like I've been looking for awhile) which kinda has the same features Dreamweaver except it's probably about $2-300s cheaper. I'm really thinking about buying it. (/geek) So yea, these things kinda got me excited this morning. Last night was a little bumpy. Sometimes I don't know why I bother with relationships. I could probably be alone and/or marry some software I fell in love with. hrhr. No relationship can be perfect, nor will it ever be close to being. I suppose it's just distance that's hurting right now. Question though. Doesn't IRC represent some of what's inside of you? Perhaps it does or maybe it doesn't. I really should leave any and all relations I have with people. Why? Because my computer doesn't normally question my actions. Maybe this is a match made in Heaven and I just don't see it yet. :( As for other news, I haven't been on IRC so much lately. You know it. The work and class combo is awesome. :P Except for the fact that I have a boss I don't like at all. Er, and today in class I'm taking a final that I didn't study for because we were told there was no final for this class and then on Tuesday she decides to tell us there is and to study four chapters. It's really too bad I had to work late last night. I just pray I do well on this test. Hopefully my previous knowledge of computer terminology and networking terminology will help some. If not, blah. So yea, I'm still psyched on making a web site with the software. I love when I get into it but dont have the time and I'm under a time limit. P.S. Trial versions suck. (somewhat) I think if I really like the program and I learn all about it I'll purchase it. And my instructor is annoying. She constantly comes over and looks at what I'm up to. "What are you doing?" That's my business.. not yours. ;/ Oh yea and for anyone who thinks I'm moody at times, I'm slightly bi-polar so I hope you can forgive me. Sometimes weird things like temperture can switch my moods around. Not too ofton does this happen, but enough of the time.. or so I'm told. People suck, you know that? rofl. Barb's sick.. I hope she gets better. Other than that, there isn't much going on. Just learning of all my faults along the way and trying to deal with them. The wind cast to the north, the colors are seen, I'll live again, only to dream..

You knew it was time to just let go..

2005-05-18T09:26:00.000-04:00

Headbanging to: Wilson Philips - Release me
Feeling: Content

Wow. Those antibiotics are pretty strong. I came into class late today. Yes, on purpose. Today is the last day of this class which means I need to start doing homework in a few mins because I kinda get behind during the term. Programming 2 is gonna be about javascript. I can't wait! I have that next term. JS and ..math. --' blarg. I went to the dr yesterday which cut out of my work hours some. I'm still questioning when my next day off will be. I hope they actually give me a weekend off so I can play and do w/e I want, but who knows with them? ;/ In other news, I'm just looking at going back to working on my web site. I have a host sitting there and I haven't touched it one bit it seems like. I guess that's because I have almost no personal time. Jeez. I can't even remember if I get paid this week or not. Last night I woke up like 3 times but I was like.. feeling weird and I'm guessing it's because of the medicine. So yea.. feeling kinda happy.. kinda.. w/e.. hm. -_-

Update: Hrhr. My professor came over and started this long conversation with me about how he is going to see Star Wars: Episode 3 and some movie based off a tv show that lasted about 7 episodes, called Serenity. All I had to do was nod my head yes like I gave a damn. ;)

Cute:

an unfair fight..

2005-05-17T08:37:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Nightwish - Creek Mary's Blood
Feeling: exhausted -,-

This morning started off most wonderful. Of course you can tell I'm using sarcasm. Today is a Tuesday and that means hell on earth for me. I woke up around 4ish, looked at the clock, then fell right back to sleep. About 2 and a half hours later, I wake up just to remember I had a project due today that I hadn't started much. So yes, I was in a rush to do that. Thankfully I learned about networking architechture in FL. The stuff I was presenting wasn't new to me at all. In fact, that may have been my only spark of something good happening today. I talked to Mark and I was kinda upset but he was understanding and said we could talk later. After doing about 95% of the work, I was kinda late for class. Thankfully she hasn't made us present yet so I've had sometime to make it look a little spiffy. Trust me, it's almost nothing. When walking to class I remembered that I have to call my boss and tell him I have a dr's appointment. I don't really. I need to go to a walk in urget care though because if I don't I may just end up in the hospital in the next few days. Why? Personal. So anyways, I've been hurting the past few days because of that. Sometimes when I moved I would hurt. Of course that makes going to work all the more easier. [shifty eyes] ¬_¬' So lately I've been under an enomous amount of stress. Of course that means I have to present in front of a class today. :) *flips project off* And I dred sometimes going to work because some people are assholes. Yes, I'm talking about customers and some co-workers. I asked why Tom(big boss) didn't have Peggy(co-worker) on the schedule too much. Sherry(a boss) said 'you took all her hours'. No I didn't you stupid f$%&. Koklia(co-worker) did. The store only had part-time cashiers and since Koklia couldn't do her job anymore(the job I now have), and complained about not getting the same amount of pay, she got to be a full-time cashier. So w/e the hell. Don't blaim this sorry ass store's crap on me. Okie.. sorry. And I owe Mark an apology. Why? I guess I snapped a little at him right before class. Sorry, love. Everything just feels like it's crashing down sometimes. I love you, and hope you have a great day. I need to call work and see what Tom says about today.. On a lighter note: People suck. ;)

2005-05-16T10:34:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Nightwish - Planet hell
Feeling: Angry
Please just ignore this rant. This is out of anger because of this stupid ass program. I HAD it running. I HAD it working correctly. Then this dumbass computer had to give me a BSoD in WinXP and they had to f*$&ing wipe the damn thing. I lost my work and everything. Now I'm stuck on this dumbass problem that I HAD finished last week but I cant get it to work now for the life of me. It was working a few mins ago too but the prof said he wants it done another way. I'm so angry. I had to walk out and take a 5 min break just to cool myself down before I pushed the monitor off my desk and walked out. My anger level is so high atm. I just want this to work so I can move the f$%* on. Stupid ass mother$%#^*&. Rofl. I'm so frustrated atm. -_- I just felt like throwing my book against the wall and yelling random cusses at it. Of course I would get sent home, but atm I dont give a $&*%. -_- Sorry. -______-

I close my eyes and fly out of my mind into the sun..

2005-05-16T08:17:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Shawn Colvin - Sunny came home
Feeling: Happy

Teehee. Today is one of those so far so good days. I woke up around 5:50 something I believe. I called Mark and wished him a good morning and day. Now I'm here in class and fighting with some C programming. Only 4 people decided to show up to class today. Mark came on Saturday, like I said in my previous blog, and we had a fun time. Not too much else going on. I'm just kinda dreding work. I want another day off dangit! The one good thing though is this paycheck should be half way decent. *should be*. -_- Aw well. ttyl.

Days go by I dont know why..

2005-05-15T15:31:00.000-04:00

Last night was awesome. ^^ I got to hang out with Mark all night. First off we went to Wendys to get shakes. So we go and find out that they were free, so that was cool. We then went bowling after sometime.. He kept getting gutter balls and saying "so yea.. that's how you get a gutter ball". He was like 'I'm teaching you for the final game'.. yea yea :P After that we went back to my place and ate subway out on a blanket in the front yard. Then FINALLY after my bros left the living room(after me shooing them out -.-) we went in and watched some tv. I was so tired. I worked yesterday before he came so it kinda wore me out. I fell asleep cuddled in next to him on the living room floor while trying to watch tv. When we woke up,(yes we were wearing clothes you idiots -_-) I was so tired, but we had to go to the airport to drop him off.. so it was kinda sad but not that bad because I know he's coming back. :x So yea.. I worked on my project for class today some. I read the chapter and guess what? I already learned this stuff in FL. So now all I have to do is create the presentation itself. I think I'll go for a walk first. :x Well, mom wants to go shopping. bbs.

You hear my tale through my blood...

2005-05-13T05:37:00.000-04:00

Head banging: Nightwish - Dead Gardens
Feeling: tired -,-

This song kicks arse. I'm pretty tired this morning. Last night I went to sleep around 11 and woke up about 2. I don't know why my sleeping habits are so messed up, but I keep waking up with small amounts of sleep. So I got up and then I went on the chats for a few moments and remembering what Mark asked me to do, I went back to sleep. Now I'm up a short few hours later, still tired. Today is my day off. Day off?! You have those?! Yes, I do. Sandra(boss 1/3) kept snicking at me. "You live here" *laugh*. Yes,.. I do... :P Mwhaha. I get today and Sunday off. I'm so tired. -_- But with all that aside, I had a most wonderful night with my Markie. ^^; I can't wait! He's coming this Saturday. The only thing I don't like is the short time we have together. Along with the headache that I am getting atm. lol. -.- Dude, MadTv is awesome. The only reason I'm not too sad about Mark leaving is because in about 2 weeks he comes back. Yesterday, my close irl friend, Barb kept asking me things and such. I kept blushing because she tries to get all the info about something. : P And uh.. she was complimenting me and such and I just thought that was nice. She said I was her favorite fellow associate. ^^ I missed her a lot when she was gone.(vacation kinda) But anyway, things are good now. So yea. *gets sucked into a black hole* weee.

Sometimes it feels like the world is insane..

2005-05-12T09:53:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: 5th dimension - Wedding bell blues
Feeling: Happy

5th dimension roxors. I like their other song called "Aquarius". I woke up around 4:30 am this morning. I noticed that I passed out on the couch. I'm being honest when I say the past few days I've passed out about as many times as a regular alcoholic. Of course, I haven't touched any of that stuff. There's only one form of alcohol that I really enjoy and that's wine. Wine has an ok taste along with the fact that it's a major romantic drink or can be. This morning I kinda started an argument with Mark, but we talked afterward and things got sorted for the moment. I'm sorry for that, sweetheart. He surprised me with getting a ticket to see me this Saturday. I still have to ask my mom about picking him up from the airport. He's only staying 7 hours though. We'll be walking the streets all night just going to parks and stuff. We may even catch a movie. I'll have to discuss that with him though. Still sorry for this morning, dear. It's kinda like I was brainwashed. xx; You asked me this morning if I could forgive you and I said yes. To be honest, it should be me asking your forgiveness. So will you? Can you forgive me dearest? I'm sorry. IRC is sometimes tricky and things get said and looked at differently than the intent given. I'm just excited about Saturday and though sometimes I don't show it, I'm excited about June. ^^; Ok.. enough of that soft stuff. Back to work! *whip craaaaack* ;)

SoB.

2005-05-11T04:58:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Low Millions - Eleanor
Feeling: Depressed / Psycho / Whatever the hell

Control has left me and I can't feel another thing. I keep listening to this song over and over again. Die. What the hell is wrong with me? :/ Why the hell am I up at this hour? I went to sleep at an ok hour. I was extremely tired and yet I wake up at 3 fucking 30 am and are now wide awake. Good game all. The only thing comforting me atm is an old friend. Well, he and I are kinda "IRC siblings". He came on surreal looking for me and we are just talking etc. If he weren't here I'd probably be crying. =\ I guess I must be dying. I'm stressed out I guess.. Maybe I'm psycho.. I don't know, but lack of sleep is something I don't need. I think I went to sleep at around 12.. Not enough sleep. -_- The night before sucked too. At work I felt like falling over at random times. I skipped class. At least this Friday I get off. I was thinking about something. How about if I take a train ride? I think I need to. I want time to think about everything. Why am I still depressed? What is wrong with me? Am I psycho? This Friday.. no class.. no work.. and a train ride to anywhere I want.. sounds so wonderful.. Man oh man.. that sounds so great. I feel like crying. Honest to golly I do. -_- What is wrong? Aren't you happy? I guess. When I get down to thinking about it, I'm never sure. I'm scared. So very. Why? Personal. I'm not telling you. =/ Good. I'm never sure about anything. Fuck you. My mind's been so messed over. I can't even think straight. God help me.. please.. -_- STOP THE MIND GAMES PLEASE. *slams her head* Please.. Mark dont get upset reading this.. please.. just let me blog how I'm feeling openly please... *rocks back and fourth a little*.. sorry if this upsets you. I really am. I'm hurting though and there is no cure or medicad for this. Don't ask what's wrong. I don't know. Please.. I'm sorry. fndljsfjdjslngjfdslklkgnljrngn DAMN IT'S 5:23 am. =/

Update 10:28 am: Dang. I'm so tired. I kinda put my head down for a "few mins" and just shut my eyes, just thought about random things.. next thing I know it.. it's like.. 24 mins later or something, but I actually gained some energy. Not a lot. =/ Rofl. I just got done having a discussion with my prof about Linux and Windows. He kept going on and on though and I got my two cents in every now and then. I wanna learn about and use Linux and UNIX. ;-; z,z

Fuck you.

2005-05-09T08:12:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Police - Don't stand so close to me
Feeling: Anti-people

Screw you. Homework... haha. I found out something about myself. Perhaps I've known it a long time. I'm addicted to depression and things going wrong. Maybe I'm not addicted. Maybe I'm just so use to everything going wrong that I just expect it and my mind constantly tells me to get ready for it. I really need to learn to stop cussing. I'm not really like that. My mind is having a field day though. I keep thinking of things that can and may go wrong. Everytime I try talking to my mom about stuff that's bothering me, she comes to the conclusion of 'maybe you should go back to prozac'. I don't even ask ofton. I rarely talk to her anymore. All the people I see are liars. Don't dare tell me to change my point of view either. =\ I know what they are like. Cold and unworthy of love. Sure. I could go back on Prozac. Yeah. That'll help me think happy thoughts. I'll be blinded from the truth the cold side of humanity has shown me most of my life. I'm not willing to waste money on that (#$*&) anyway. =/ Nor will I waste money on a theropist. I don't need that. Why was I on prozac at all? Depressing child hood. I've had my share of happy pills. They just create illusions that aren't there. The effects some of them would have on me would wear away and I'd need stronger dosages. I haven't talked to my dad in awhile. Do I care? Not too much. The other day my mom called me at work and asked me if I wanted to go out for a bite to eat with her. 'I haven't seen you in days'. Well, mom.. I go to class.. and I work. Ding ding ding! Maybe that explains it! I don't make it home till about 10:30-11 every night. You're asleep. Maybe that
s why! I'm so busy that I can't even get a drivers liceanse. Today will be my 8th day working in a row. I don't get a day off till next Friday. I humbly ask that you all bare with me because I'm thinking too much. Too too much for my own good. ;/ No. I'm not tired physically. I'm just depressed. I don't want to be here. I don't belong here. I want to be there. Where's that? I have no ($#^*&$%) clue. Or maybe I am going mad.. heh.. haha.. hehehehehehehehehehehehehhahahahahahahahahhaha.

Today in class: C programming kicks ass. I'm attempting to pay attention more so and it's more interesting when I do. Programming = love.

Anyway, this is cute:

Look at us baby, up all night, tearing our love apart.

2005-05-09T06:45:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Blink182 - Adam's song
Feeling: Tired -,-

Yes, I'm gonna do my hw in a few mins. I just figured I'd blog before I head off to class so that way I may actually do something useful in class. Now I'm just talking to this guy who supposibly lives in NC also. Just kinda tired this morning. 6 hours of sleep sucks. I'm still thinking about hopping that train to anywhere. You probably know that I won't though. I have too much riding on my staying here. I still want to though. I sometimes feel like leaving everything behind and starting new. I'd get some kind of place in the moutains. Maybe I would look for a life like in some movies. Sometimes I just want everything to go away. I picture me walking through a rainstorm all my life. Right now, there are just storm clouds gathering, because life is pretty good atm. I just need to get away from people. I really do. I'm not anti-social. Well, for the most part. I'm more anti-people. People are stupid. So very. This is why I rarely let any in my heart or head. There are very few who are exempt from this term. Perhaps, I even fall under the category. If you knew the definition that I use for it though, it's doubtful. I basically miss Mark this morning. He gets to sleep in because he doesn't have to work today. I would call him, but that would seem rather selfish of me to wake him on a day off. He requested I wake him at 8, so I shall do so. He's such an awesome guy, no matter what he thinks. I'm thinking about leaving for class in a few so I'll do some hw before class even starts. I just can't wait for this month to end. June 3rd, hurry up and get here. People. Leave me alone. I don't care for you much. (people in general). Just because you all suck, don't hate. ;/ The major reason for me even going to IRC anymore is because of Mark.. and because irl people suck. Not that the people on IRC are any better, but a select few are worth talking to. Till they next let me see the light of day, until then I shall be locked away. *straight jacket*

2005-05-08T10:26:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Epidemic - Walk away
Feeling: Content

So yea. Today is Sunday and it's about 10:30. I have to get ready to go to church soon. After the service I need to come home and get some homework done. Don't worry. I'll do it. I just procrastinate a whole hell of a lot. Maybe today I should try sitting up and doing my hw so my chance of falling to sleep is lessened by a couple million. -.- Not too much going on so far. I'm just anxious about maybe 27 days from now. I'm also anxious for a day off from work. -_- My next day off is Friday. Yay for 12 days in a row. Well, at least I'll have a day off from class and work. :D Today I go into work at around 5. Why? The new card system starts today. Hm.. well setting it up does. 49 cents a card...! ;x The only thing that really excites me about it is that my job will be a little easier when it comes to straightening and such. The cards will be wrapped in plastic including the envelope on the inside! weee. Don't worry. I'm not exactly that excited. Lately I've been thinking about taking a train anywhere. Why? I love traveling. Once I turn 18 I'm able to apply to be a flight attendent, so I'm a little excited about that. I really need this degree though, so I need to focus on my hw and class atm. x.x Till destiny sees it next fit..

2005-05-07T07:36:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Fleetwood Mac - Dreams
Feeling: Sane

I'm kinda content atm. Yesterday I got tricked into working 10.5 hours by this guy who asked me to come in early for him in the morning. I may get him back though. Hell, it got me to come in an hour later today which is alright with me. I'm still kinda tired, which is scary, but yea. I feel like collapsing on my bed and sleeping longer. Thinking about buying that one way ticket today. Wow. It's sad when you think you have a day off when you just go in later and have no class in the morning. -_- I need a vacation and I just got back. :p Aw well. IRC is still annoying as hell. Being with Mark irl is so much better than IRC, but I can live for the moment. I'm gonna go play some DoD I think.. or lay down.

"Complaint Department: To complain push the red button.

Wouldn't it be nice..

2005-05-05T08:04:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Beach Boys - Wouldn't it be nice
Feeling: Happy

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older? Then we wouldn't have to wait so long. And wouldn't it be nice to live togetherIn the kind of world where we belong? You know its gonna make it that much better..When we can say goodnight and stay together..Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up in the morning when the day is new? And after having spent the day together, hold each other close the whole night through. Happy times together we've been spending..I wish that every kiss was neverending. Wouldn't it be nice..?

- I dedicate this song to my Mark. :x Those are only part of the lyrics.-

Wow.. I feel so warm and loved. ^^ It feels so good.. and I'm so happy. I talked with Mark last night and even this morning. He likes to call and try to wake me so I won't be late for class. Isn't that so cute? ^^ I know I like it a lot. He's such a sweetheart. Last night, my mom was panicing because my sis wasn't at home and it was around 10:30 pm. She didn't call my mom or anything. So my mom freaked and we went looking for her. She was hanging out on the street with some kids that live across town. I guess I need to try and hang out with her more. Perhaps I can have a positive influence on her. I told her she can sleep over in my room tonight since that's one thing she's wanted to do for a long time. I think her attitude changed a lot over night. In other words, Mark's prayer for her and us worked. Yay. ^^ This class is kinda boring. I feel like falling asleep or something. In other news, work is gonna be a pain in the ass for the next week or two. this week I'm working 7 days in a row continuing into next week which I think I work also. So 2 weeks of work, non-stop. I guess it's good. I get my 80 hrs on my pay check plus a little more if I have to stay late. These 2 weeks I think I'm working 5-10pm. Tom said that if we didn't finish 7 rows a night, we'd be working later than 10. Wee. What fun. Oh, and I can't wait for this next pay check. I'm buying airfare for myself to Houston. I can't wait. I get to see my sweetheart again. ^^! I'm so glad him and Joel are cool.. because Joel's cool. '-' Joel, read my blog comment to you last entry. I responded to your comment. Sorry I haven't been around too much on IRC, MSN, or AIM. Full time college and work are xX;. People are leaving me msgs though. "You're always away ;/" and "You're boring now. You're always away" are two of my favorites. Not my fault peoples. =x Anyway. I LOVE YOU, MARK. I love you, Joel.. as a friend. :p

Dude, I so want this:

Sleep with one eye open...

2005-05-04T08:29:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: METALLICA - Enter Sandman
Feeling: Content/Angry

Why are people so cold? I'm tired of the liars and backstabbers. Why do people say something then do the other? Yes, this is an angry blog entry. First off, I'm pissed off because Chris is actting like I did all the wrong and keeps trying to put me on guilt trips. "How could you do this to me?" "You hurt me, Ally." You know what? You hurt me too, Chris. You hurt me so much. You just kept on hurting me and hurting me. Then you ask why I didn't tell you when you hurt me. Chris, once again, I told you but you ignored me. I asked and pleaded and begged. No.. it kept on happening. So.. I talk to a friend.. and while you're off doing whatever and ignoring me, I fall for him. I told you how I felt about him.. it seemed as if you could care less. 'Just stop falling for him'. -_- After this whole mess is over.. you say something in anger towards me such as 'I hope you treat him better than you ever treated me'. You know what? I believe I treated you better than any woman ever will, but that's just my opinion. You can say whatever you want, but after trying to prolong the whole situation by saying such things, after I was gonna send you a present and stuff for your birthday, doesn't encourage me to do so. In fact, I won't. Not only because I'm kinda ticked off, but because I need the money. Whether you know it or not, Chris, I'm done with your mind games. What mind games? 'I'll change' 'I did change in the end'. No, Chris, you didn't. Now I'm just seeing the side of you your ex warned me about long ago. I owe her an apology. You just like putting me on guilt trips, don't you? Yeah. Everything was my fault.(rofl) You try to play innocent and need the attention, so go ahead. I can't even promise friendship though after this. I'm not sure that you care at all so it's alright. I don't hate you. I don't think I ever will. Just please hold comments to yourself. I really wasn't that bad. =\ And if I was I ask your forgiveness on me. I just hope you have a good life. Friends with me or not. You never did like my friends too much. Joel for example. Maybe not a good friend, but he's gotten better. While we're on this subject, there's some surreal jackass op in crater, who since I said a mean thing to him when he was on java, can't be nice to me for the life of me. Well, as Joel says, "fu". I don't like you much either and if your ass is still whining over a stupid kick msg, you're the biggest cry baby I know. ;/ Hm.. in other news: I hopefully get to see Mark soon. I'm planning on going to Houston for a day then driving back to Raleigh with him. Yay. Traveling! :D I forgot moms bday the night before it but I got some stuff yesterday and I hope to get her a present today. Belated, but what the hell? ;) I better start on my C homework. As the world turns..

I want: "They say it's always the quiet ones that end up going psycho" ;)

Wanna get married or run away?

2005-05-03T08:30:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Goo Goo Dolls - Slide
Feeling: Crestfallen

wth? Last night while working, I just remembered my moms bday is today. :/ Lovely. Another academy award goes to Alektra for the biggest screw up. I also forgot mothers day, Chris' bday, I couldn't find my my stupid textbook so I did no hw, I missed class Thursday and Monday. You can tell today is Tuesday. So atm, I'm feeling kinda down. The hole in me was reopened once Mark left.. so yea. This sucks. I really need to catch up on hw. I really, really need to. Stupid ass work. wth do I have to close? :/ I close tonight too. blah. Tonight I really need to do Programming hw tho. Work is kinda getting in the way.. I may have to ask my boss for shorter hours. How he'd schedule me in is another story. *sigh* I didn't set my alarm clock this morning so I woke up JUST on time to get ready.. I missed talking to Mark.. etc. Today just kinda sucks. My "heart" feels like it's bleeding.. why? because it does. I hope I make it past this class and the other. I really need to focus. Who am I kidding tho? Even when I get time I don't do hw. Trust me, that time isn't of a large amount. -_- Like last night I got home around 10:30 from work.. went to sleep around 12. Usually in the small time I have, I like to have a bite to eat and talk to Mark. So yep. There's my day. All... 12-16 hours of it usually. Well, I better get to this class work. Till my souls next desire to blog..

Currently plotting.

2005-04-26T12:49:00.000-04:00

Head banging to: Nightwish - Creek Mary's Blood
Feeling: Productive with words

I'm kinda bored in class atm. This is my first blog with my new blog which would happen to be this blog which is not my old blog but my new one. Are you confused yet? If not, good. You passed the "I'm not slow" test. I created a new blog today because I can not express all my feelings in the old one. Why can't I? Because I have a guy who likes me reading it and my b/f reading it and if any one of them gets offended, I get ansy. Why do you care what they think? You're right. I shouldn't. Perhaps I should let this cold side of me out. You know. The one that's typing right now. Mmm. Isn't this cute:
http://img22.echo.cx/img22/10/theif6km.jpg

Once I learn how to show images correctly, I'll let you know.

following the trail of tears..

I feel like the world is up against me..

You're so special..*dun na*

Let the rain fall, listen to the voices call.

zZzZz..

I'm walking through the spider webs. Leave a msg and I'll call right back.

Sesame chicken and rice.

What is my destiny?

Cracker jacks.

Complicated. X-rated.

the more you suffer the more it shows you really care, right? Yea.

Thunder only happens when it's raining...

The psychology behind dreams..

Bleh.

Dreams, they were like clouds in my coffee.

..it's like being stoned.

a Million miles, a million miles..

Just enough

Tears falling from the sky..

To save my own...

To save my own...

You leave me broken shattered alive..

Today I killed.. he was just a boy.

I'm losing you...

I'm no good until I've had my coffee.

Ready..? ACTION!

In my hands..

Untitled.

Take my hand

Risen..

Ugh

Almost time..

But a dream..

=\

Boo.

Mmm Cheetos. ^_____^;

dot dot dot

They say crying is a bad thing..

dot dot dot...

BSoD...? no.. just DooM..

You were always crazy like that...

This path may be the most sad..

Why am I loved only when I'm gone?

Over the hills and far away..

Looking out for love.. in the night so still..

Darling in your wildest dreams you've never had a clue.

I've had too much coffeeeeee. (not really)

You knew it was time to just let go..

an unfair fight..

I close my eyes and fly out of my mind into the sun..

Days go by I dont know why..

You hear my tale through my blood...

Sometimes it feels like the world is insane..

SoB.

Fuck you.

Look at us baby, up all night, tearing our love apart.

Wouldn't it be nice..

Sleep with one eye open...

Wanna get married or run away?

Currently plotting.

You're so special..dun na